The Inyangs
Aity
Inyang is a multiple award-winning gospel artiste. She is married to
Dennis, a pastor and General Overseer of the Sure Word Assembly, Lagos.
They share the story of their 23-year-old union
What was the initial attraction between you?
Dennis: We met in school in 1982. I
was the director of programmes for the Christian Union and she got
saved during a programme I organised. The first time I set my eyes on
her, she was giving the testimony of her salvation on stage. She struck
me as a nice girl and I decided that I would love to know her more. I
told my friend and we went to her room. I knew someone living in her
room. When I got to meet her, I liked her and felt we could get along
as friends.
Aity: The attraction for me was
that he was a stage actor. I love stage performances. The first time I
saw him was at the creative arts department where I had gone to read
information on the notice board. After that, he started coming to my
room to see his friend who happened to be my roommate.
How did you handle the marriage proposal?
Dennis: I asked her to marry me
when we were about to leave for youth service. I felt that if I did not
propose, I could lose her when we all left for camp. I started the
proposal by painting a very sordid picture of my background. I told her
that my family was very poor and my village was a terrible and
poverty-ridden one. Then, I told her that we would be living in my
poverty-ridden village for the rest of our lives! At the end of my
story, I asked her if she would marry me. She just smiled and said,
‘yes’.
Aity: I actually saw it coming. I
knew he was going to propose that day. You know guys think they are
smart and they think girls are not following them. While he was telling
his story, I listened, waiting for him to say the word. Immediately he
said, ‘Will you marry me?’ I simply answered, yes. He was surprised at
my answer and asked me if I was just going to say yes without praying
about it. You know it was normal for sisters to say, ‘Let me pray about
it first.’ I told him that I had been praying since the period I
started seeing him coming towards me.
What were your parents reaction to his poor background?
Aity: My parents were not
particularly excited. There was a guy who wanted to marry me then. He
was based abroad and came home to see my mother often. They were all
surprised that I rejected him in exchange for Dennis who was a young
graduate with little or no prospect.
Dennis: At some point, her father
was so unimpressed that he said to me, ‘You will not marry my
daughter.’ I would not blame the man. If I were in his shoes, I would
not allow her to marry me. At the time I went to school, my father was
out of the country while my mother was a grade two teacher.
She could
not even pay my fees. I went through school by the grace of my friends.
There was a particular session that a lady had to pay my school fees.
When I finished from school, things were really rough. I had no job; I
was squatting with friends. I had no clothes to wear. The only thing I
could sell to her was that I had a vision of where I was going to. I
persuaded her about a bright future. I tell men today that if they
don’t have money, they should at least have a good mouth with which to
talk and convince people.
As a pretty lady from a comfortable home, why did you decide to stick to Dennis against all odds?
Aity: I just wanted to marry
somebody I loved. I grew up in a broken home. I wanted to be able to
build my home and prevent it from breaking apart in future. For me to do
that, I needed to marry somebody I loved. Initially, I had prayed
against the relationship because not only was he poor, he was also from a
village I did not particularly like. However, the more I prayed, the
more my affection and love for him grew.
How long have you been married?
Aity: We have been married for 23 years.
How has the journey been like?
Dennis: It has been wonderful. We
started as friends. We could not get married for five years due to
opposition from her father. It took us about three years to scale that
hurdle. He did not totally agree until after we got married. When he
agreed, he saw a transformation. He realised that I was not going to
live and end my life as a poor man. Unfortunately, by the time he agreed
and we went back to complete the marriage rites, he was dead.
How do you strike a balance between home and your musical career?
Aity: I am married to somebody who
understands. He knows I have a calling to sing and he allows me to be. I
travel a lot but before I do that, I stock the fridge with food.
Dennis: She works her programme in
such a way that she is not gone for too long. She understands that the
home front is very important. She has won about 10 awards but she
understands that she is not the superstar that people see outside when
she gets to her home. She is my wife and I retain some veto power over
her movements.
How many children do you have?
Dennis: We have three. Two are adopted. Our own child is just two years old.
How was the period of waiting for a child?
Dennis: It was quite a trying
time. The good thing is that it was never an issue. There was no
pressure from the family. Nobody said an unkind word on account of it.
My father is my wife’s friend and he likes to pamper her. There was a
time he preached to her and asked her to hope in God. To tell the truth,
it would not have made any difference. The survival of a marriage has a
lot to do with the reason why the marriage was contracted. We married
for love. Like she said, she comes from a broken home. I come from a
broken home as well. I was also determined that nothing would break my
home. Nothing can come between us, not even a child.
How do you settle quarrels?
Aity: We don’t allow the sun to go down on our arguments.
Dennis: We are very open with
ourselves. We do not have airs. My wife also knows how to manage her
celebrity status. Also, I try not to intimidate her with my status as a
general overseer.
What pet names do you have for each other?
Dennis: I call her Ufan (friend)
Aity: I call him Big D
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